Not Today

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Please don’t make me get up today.

Don’t make me face the drama or lack of

Don’t ask me to be of use to others

Don’t look for wise food choices from me

Don’t think that just because I know better I will do better

Just for today let me wallow in a state of nothingness

Let me neglect myself and by doing naught for myself do nothing for others

OK

I have taken a deep breath and girded my loins

Thank you for this day

May I be open to all the opportunities that come my way

 

Exactly and precisely…as you are

Last week I was with Max, my youngest grandson who is turning 18 on March 15. I was admiring him from behind and made the idle remark that I didn’t know if the back of his head looked like his dad’s or his Uncle Stephen’s. He turned and in an exasperated tone said, “Why can’t it just look like my head?” 

I felt his frustration at my remark. I hugged him and assured him that his head was his precious own.

It was a reminder to me of how often my words sound as though I am not satisfied with someone. I am guilty of uttering such remarks many more times than I should, to him and to all the people I love.

Feb 19, 1968, was the date for the first episode on PBS of Mister Rogers Neighborhood. May you enjoy being yourself today.1-IMG_1980

 I Like You As You Are

Lyrics by Josie Carey | Music by Fred Rogers


I like you as you are
Exactly and precisely
I think you turned out nicely
And I like you as you are

I like you as you are
Without a doubt or question
Or even a suggestion
Cause I like you as you are

I like your disposition
Your facial composition
And with your kind permission
I’ll shout it to a star

I like you as you are
I wouldn’t want to change you
Or even rearrange you
Not by far

I like you
I-L-I-K-E-Y-O-U
I like you, yes I do
I like you, Y-O-U
I like you, like you as you are

 

 

Revisiting Old Resolutions

IMG_2094 As 2018 dawned someone asked me how I had done on the resolutions I posted two years ago. Here they are, followed by my thoughts on where I stand with them today.

  • keep in my heart the joy and love I felt during Christmas 2015.
  • to push myself when inertia engulfs me.
  • to use my talents.
  • to squeeze more laughter out.
  • to connect to the positive energy around me.
  • to remind myself that one person’s actions can make a difference.
  • to be ready to listen rather than speak.
  • to spend minimum time wondering why I can’t remember someone’s name.
  • to lie in the grass on a spring day.
  • to accept the things I cannot change.
  • to relish my children.
  • to sweat only the big stuff.
  • to practice those exercises so I can remember people’s names.
  • to build on honoring myself as I honor others.
  • to ignore urges to overeat, overdrink, under exercise.
  • to keep a carrot-games, travel, books-in clear sight at all times.
  • After the name remembering exercises move on to “where did I put my…”

I probably feel best about moving towards positive energy and paying less attention to negative thoughts and people. I am happier with myself and more accepting of my lifestyle although I still have those times of doubting that drive me crazy.

The ones I have no difficulty with have to do with enjoyment. I have no problem enjoying anything that comes my way, as ridiculous or simple as it may be. And if it is something I can tell on myself, all the better.

I did scare myself when I almost didn’t publish my last post…”NOT Another Phone Story!!!” Because I see the incident described, not as just misplacing glasses, but not recognizing my glasses. That’s why I thought others would hmmmmm and tilt their heads after reading it. Even with my friend’s scoffing at this, I hesitated to record it.

I  still think it is deeper than losing glasses on top of my head BUT no matter. I’ll just add a new one:

  • to push through the fear.

Baby & Me

IMG_1257 (2)Who would have thunk it? My new part-time job is babysitting with a curly-headed, energetic 13 month old precious Baby Boy.

My children were born in the 60s and my grandchildren in the 90s and the year 2000. Since then most of my exposure to little ones has been oohing over the grandbabies of friends.

After being interviewed by said Baby Boy, his parents, his dog and six cats, I was hired and reported to work the next day. I remembered to not wear jewelry or leave a cup of coffee unattended. I had forgotten the difficulties of interpreting a pointing finger and uuaghh sound.

This child is very, very active. He walks. He climbs higher and higher each day. He explores everything–the pantry, the shelves of collected glassware, the dog’s water bowl when I forget to put it up out of his reach.

He nods his head in time to Christian music and Fruit Loops commercials. He brings me the books of his choice to be looked at as many times as he wants. He rubs both sides of his curly head when he is really, really tired.

That first day, after waving goodbye to mommy, questions flooded my mind. How big a bite can he manage without getting choked? Did his mother say 2 ounces of warm water plus a scoop of formula into the bottle to then be filled with whole milk? Was that a 4 or 6 oz bottle? And one I never figured out with my own–Does he feel cold when I feel cold for him?

Then there is the new paraphernalia in baby land!  It took me three tries to successfully assemble a four-part baby bottle.

Gerber’s oatmeal and banana cereal?IMG_1362 Replaced by Earth’s Best sweet potato cinnamon quinoa, barley & oat pouch, made with flax, unsweetened & unsalted, vegan with no genetically engineered ingredients in non-BPA packaging.

Snacks are dehydrated puffs of fruits and vegetables. No soda crackers or even a goldfish to be seen.Yogurt is common ground in both our diets.

IMG_1287I love that the household includes pets. Chestnut the dog appears to think of himself as the older brother, one who took kindly to a baby and gladly shares toys. He is ecstatic to receive food dropped from the high chair. He howls in sympathy when Baby Boy gets upset.  Callie the Calico       IMG_1249 doesn’t like for Chestnut to get too close to her and emits a hiss every time that happens. I was holding the boy one day. Callie hissed, Chestnut barked, I jumped, baby clutched, I eeked, baby cried.

Many of yesterday’s toys remain favorites–Fisher Price, dump trucks, wooden puzzles and books. New ones have more bells and whistles, movements, and batteries.

FYI:  Barefoot Books, videos found on YouTube can mesmerize a little one.IMG_1388 Franchising merchandise is represented by a Star Wars sanctioned, stuffed, fluffy Chewbaca.

Three weeks into the job and we are both still standing. My muscles and joints have settled back down to their normal ache level. Ibuprofen, a hot shower and sleep are great restoratives.

What causes aggravation is my aging fingers struggling with those snaps on the legs of sleepers and pants. My lord, it takes me as much time to get them lined up correctly and fastened as it does to convince Baby Boy to take a nap.

Being a sitter is somewhat like being a grandparent. The job carries responsibilities but you can leave at the end of your shift happy to pass the torch back to the parents.

I love that at my age I have been given this amazing opportunity to watch a little one develop.IMG_1244

His eyes take in an action and you can almost see his brain turning it over until it is added to his memory bank.IMG_1304

Words are becoming important to him. Momma, Daddy, ba (for bottle), dog, cat, moo are on the tip of his tongue. When was the first time he heard “no” and turned with a measured look to see if you were serious?

His sense of humor shows as he anticipates the last page of the book where he sees himself in a mirror and starts chortling before we get there.

And that smile….which could be why one day I pranced around the kitchen doing a cheer leading routine, using colorful tights for pom poms, with a too small Spidyman cap on my head.

 

 

 

Carpe Diem?

I’ve already acknowledged that isn’t easy to do all the time, at least in a positive way. So if not a day, then try to seize a moment. In times of sorrow, despair or confusion reach for controlling even just a moment.

Bewilderment, fear, questions, tears.      

When hit with unexpected news, especially bad news,everyone reacts differently: slow to take it in, spring to action, and every level of awareness in between.

Make it Yours

Focus on taking in information, accepting offers of help, and talking to those you trust. Prayer and meditation can create a calm that allows your beliefs to provide the answers you need.

Love and healing                                              

Right now I know several people facing serious issues, medical and otherwise, and others who experienced sudden losses in their families.

Then there is our world……

later that evening

i held an atlas in my lap

ran my fingers across the

whole world

and whispered

where does it hurt?

it answered

everywhere

everywhere

everywhere.

                 Warsan Shire

 

All I can do is think love and healing. So I am.

 

 

 

Adjustments

When I moved into the house on Emerald Avenue over three years ago, I really did not like the tall tree stump in the front yard. Centered near the front porch at that point it was bare and the only “tree” in the yard. Because I do love our front porch, I found myself staring at the stump often.

As the yard became more personal with shrubs, flowers and a bird bath, the stump took on an aurora of its own. IMG_9431I filled it with dirt and planted sweet-william and phlox and ground cover. Around the base potted ferns sat, later replaced by flower seeds and even snow pea plants.

I added my black bear (model for the painted bears of downtown some years ago).

423 E Emerald Ave 017


He has stayed his post through all kinds of  weather.

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Now he is sinking fast for the stump is in decay. The back side has broken off. IMG_9433The dirt and plants inside are in danger of losing their grip.

What I first thought was ugly and an eye sore I now treasure.  The patterns in the wood are detailed and full of character. It is soothing to study the IMG_9444swirls, cracks and textures.

Time and awareness sometimes change first impressions. I hate to think of the front yard without the stump.