Two months into this year I came across an audio book on my library’s shelves, This Year I Will…How to Finally Change a Habit, Keep a Resolution, or Make A Dream Come True by M.J. Ryan.
After listening to it at least six times, I have new thoughts and ammo to make the changes in my life I feel are important to make.
Here is just a little of what I got from Ms. Ryan’s book:
There is no one right way to make changes. Read, study, and decide the right way for you.
New Year’s resolutions need to be backed by “preparation, when we are getting ready to do it, action, as in ‘I’m starting right now’ ; and maintainance, which means we keep going until we get where we want and stay there.”
Understanding why I am the way I am is not nearly as important as I try to make it. Basically, I am who I am. Concentrate on changes I can make now to move towards my goals.
To prepare for change, M.J. Ryan includes a practice from Dawna Markova, author of The Smart Parenting Revolution. This is the first step: Write every goal you think you’d like to accomplish in the next twenty years. Write as fast as you can. (Taking my age into consideration, I quickly decided to narrow that down to five years! )
We do what we do because it serves some need.
I like this book because it is full of practical, common sense statements that I could relate to. She gives detailed explanations on the difficulties of making a change and follows through with steps to make the change and maintain it.
I purchased the book so I can re-read and refresh my memory as I take the first steps towards a change. I promise to report on how it is going in June.
Is very different from life in the suburbs
Note: This blog was written in October 2018.
Hurrying out to work this morning, I almost collided with two wildly enthusiastic dogs who had escaped their fence. With my dog watching anxiously from the living room window, I managed to check their tags, and with the aid of dog biscuits, coax them back to their surprised owner.
City life is not static.
The evening before I found evidence of a mouse in the house. Exasperated, I told my housemate that I was off to buy traps and would return shortly.
We live on the non-historic side of Historic Old Knoxville. I turned left onto Woodland to hit Fellini Kroger or Ace Hardware in the Knoxville Shopping Center. Rain had started to fall.
Right before Fulton High School, I saw a woman, on crutches, walking on the side of the street. I turned around and asked her if she needed a ride, or was she just out for a walk in the rain on crutches. (I know, but it fit the moment.)
She looked startled, then smiled and said she sure would appreciate it. She wanted to get to a bus stop to catch a ride to her apartment out near the Fountain City Duck Pond. “Easy enough,” I said so we headed that way.
Ally had just left Tennova, or what used to be St. Mary’s. She had gone to the emergency room the night before and was diagnosed with pneumonia. Then given fluids, breathing treatments, antibiotics and a discharge. She is on crutches after her leg was messed up in a bad car accident several years ago. She has had four surgeries and is looking at another one. Her boyfriend was working and couldn’t pick her up. We both love dogs and believe pit bulls get a bad rap.
She asked if I would mind dropping her off at the Sonic; she was starving to death and could get something to eat and then go to Kroger’s to get her prescription filled. I offered to take her, but she said no thanks. After four years she was pretty good at getting around on crutches.
I decided to go to the big, fancy Kroger’s since I was right there. The only mousetraps they carry are ones that have the sticky pad so I scurried back to my own stomping grounds.
The Fellini Kroger’s is noted for oddball customers and funky happenings. I really like it. Great customer service ninety per cent of the time. Not as wide a selection as some others, but very convenient.
You learn to navigate the parking lot, which has an above average number of people down on their luck, plus a bunch of career scammers. I have made my peace with how I handle requests. That is how I met Joe.
I was getting in my car when he approached, asking for money. He said he hadn’t eaten in three days. I said I didn’t give money but would take him into Kroger’s for a deli meal or to Taco Bell. He chose Taco Bell, just two soft shell tacos and water. I did add a burrito supreme without knowing if he liked them or not–to make my bleeding heart feel good?
We sat there waiting for the food and he told me he did get a check but had been robbed, and now had to make it to the end of the month. He asked me if I wanted to buy a cell phone and charger. He had slept outside in the rain the night before.
I asked if he had tried going to KARM or VMC. I mentioned under the bridge and he said he wouldn’t go there. I told him I just meant people did bring food there on the weekends. He said he had heard there was going to be bbq at the bank on the corner and he was going to get some of that. Wishing each other well, we shook hands and I left.
Last week I was with Max, my youngest grandson who is turning 18 on March 15. I was admiring him from behind and made the idle remark that I didn’t know if the back of his head looked like his dad’s or his Uncle Stephen’s. He turned and in an exasperated tone said, “Why can’t it just look like my head?”
I felt his frustration at my remark. I hugged him and assured him that his head was his precious own.
It was a reminder to me of how often my words sound as though I am not satisfied with someone. I am guilty of uttering such remarks many more times than I should, to him and to all the people I love.
Feb 19, 1968, was the date for the first episode on PBS of Mister Rogers Neighborhood. May you enjoy being yourself today.
I Like You As You Are
Lyrics by Josie Carey | Music by Fred Rogers
I like you as you are
Exactly and precisely
I think you turned out nicely
And I like you as you are
I like you as you are
Without a doubt or question
Or even a suggestion
Cause I like you as you are
I like your disposition
Your facial composition
And with your kind permission
I’ll shout it to a star
I like you as you are
I wouldn’t want to change you
Or even rearrange you
Not by far
I like you
I like you, yes I do
I like you, Y-O-U
I like you, like you as you are
Three years ago I wrote an article for Knoxzine (Getting the Last Laugh in Africa, Oct 2, 2014) about Knoxvillian Dee White and her involvement with the Michigan State University (MSU) Hyena Research Project. https://www.facebook.com/MaraHyenas
Dee’s background of being one of the first female zookeepers in the United States and her serendipitous reunion with Dr. Kay Holekamp produced this unusual, fulfilling work in retirement.
From our first meeting I felt bonded to Dee through Kenya. We kept in touch after the article, discovering mutual friends and concerns. I must confess turning a putrid shade of green every time she went back to the Masai Mara.
2003 was the year of my last safari to Kenya. I had almost given up hope of ever returning. Life changes, reality, i.e., finances and aging sets in. Maybe that was the key for me–if I don’t go now, when will I go?
On November 15, 2017, I flew off for a whirlwind 12-day trip which started in Nairobi and ended with a visit to MSU’s Fisi (hyena) Camp in the Maasi Mara National Reserve. Francis Mbuthia Muchiri, the driver on my previous 3 visits, invited me to stay with his family in Nyeri. He is retired now, but his son Bernard Ndegwa works for a safari company so I contracted with Bernard for his services and a vehicle.
From her home in Knoxville Dee made the arrangements with Mary and Leah, Research Assistants (RA) at Fisi Camp, for me to visit. My time in the Mara was short; only a day and a half. It was Thanksgiving afternoon when I reached Mary on her cell phone and made arrangements to visit the next day after my game drive.
Bernard and Mbuthia did some good spotting Friday morning along with using the radio for animal sightings by other tour guides. In a 6 hour span I saw cheetah, male lions and a lioness, giraffe, warthog, zebra, eland, wildebeest, topi, hyena, elephant, hippo, and at least 20 bird species.
We made it back to our camp, the Mara Simba Lodge, for a late lunch and short rest before driving to Fisi Camp.
I had hoped to go out and observe with Mary and Leah but that didn’t work out so I contented myself with talking to them for a few minutes and presenting them with Oreos and M&Ms plus ADT t-shirts for the entire camp. The sweets were an immediate hit!The research assistants are in charge of the daily camp operation when Dr. Kay and Dee are not in the country. This operation includes observing several hours each day, photographing, identifying, and writing any new information, as well as taking care of the physical camp with the help of the Masai staff.
I found them to be enthusiastic about their work, as exhausting as it is, and in love with hyenas.When their year here is up, they will look at continuing their education or pursuing other field work.
We toured the camp: a main “living room” and work tent, separate tents for the kitchen, shower, bathroom, and sleeping quarters.
I saw charts with the latest hyena information,
sniffed a decomposing hyena head,
and met Joseph, camp manager and cook. Best was getting my picture made in Dee’s tent!
What a fantastic trip! All too soon it was over…
Dee and I got together shortly after I returned home. She wanted to know what I thought about the camp and I had a slew of questions after my visit.
What is a typical day in camp? Our days start at 5:00 a.m. There’s just time to grab a cup of tea before helping to load the vehicles to be used that day, one for tracking an animal to be darted and one for observing behavior at dens, or kills, or anywhere hyenas are gathered. After double checking the list of needed equipment, we leave camp at 5:30 a.m.
We are back in camp by 9:00 a.m. unless something exciting, like a kill, is going on. Joseph has breakfast ready and we discuss the activity of the two cars, adding new information to the boards, i.e new cubs found or sexed, or an “amber alert” for a missing hyena.
If an animal was darted, all the biological samples we collected from that animal are processed and preserved before breakfast. Our lab tent and table and our dining tent and table are one and the same.
Everyone has camp duties. Part of Dr. Kay’s day is spent working on grants, correspondence, and administrative duties connected with running a hyena research camp.
The Masai staff take care of tent repairs, general camp and vehicle maintenance, checking inventories of materials used and replacing them to be ready for the afternoon drive.
The RAs transcribe notes, update photos, service the solar panels, or sometimes visit a local school to give a talk or hold other community relation events.
I maintain darting and necropsy records as well as enter all observational data gathered by the RA’s at our Serena camp. I also help Joseph with tent repairs, go on the “water run”, and try and pitch in wherever help is needed.
At 5:00 p.m. we go back out again. Vultures flying overhead might lead us to a kill. We visit known den sites to study the development of cubs and record maternal and other social behaviors. We use our rooftop tracking device to locate any of our collared hyenas and see what activity is going on. Then it is back to camp by 8:00 unless there is something major happening.
During the rainy season the routine changes a little. When we can’t go out, we gather under the shelter of the lab tent. Downtime is spent refurbishing notebooks, catching up on records, photos, cleaning lab equipment, repairing anything that is broken or worn. For fun, we sometimes and play board and card games. The RAs rely on their electronic devices to watch videos and keep in touch with the world. I use the time to catch up on my reading. We all sleep in!
Tell me about darting and observing activities: Darting is used to immobilize a hyena in order to take blood, tissue, and bacterial samples, measure all body parts, and if it’s the right animal fitting a tracking collar on him or her. We make sure we are able to do this in an open area.
We cannot dart an animal if there is any danger that an elephant, buffalo, lion, leopard, environmental danger (like standing water, dense shrubbery, local cattle herders, or tourists are nearby.)
Any talking is done in whispers to keep the animal calm. We do everything possible to keep the hyena from connecting our vehicle and people to the sting of a dart. They are so intelligent that if they associate us with being “bitten” we will never be able to get near them again AND they will pass that fear along to all their friends and relatives and we would have no one left to study. Along with samples and measurements, notes are taken about any identifying scarring, general health and the condition of teeth.
When we are finished the hyena is moved to the shade and shelter of a bushy tree, then surrounded with brambles to give it protection as the anesthetic wears off.
Pictures are taken to be added to clan albums, an important identification tool. We video kills, clan wars, border patrols, baiting, and matings, and any interactions with lions or other carnivores.
If we witness an animal pooping, we’ll get a fecal sample. Sometimes DNA can be retrieved from the poop. We collect saliva, conduct trials to test learning or boldness, and many other facets of development.
In addition to hyena data we keep track of prey numbers, cattle grazing, weather, and tourism.
I loved visiting Fisi Camp and meeting some of the staff. I know you have great admiration for Joseph, the camp cook. The kitchen is very basic and there is limited refrigeration. What kind of meals is he able to fix? Joseph is an excellent cook. Number 1 on everyone’s list of comfort food is tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. His mac and cheese is another favorite. We occasionally get meat and he has mastered the art of making hamburgers complete with buns AND french fries. Since meat is a rare treat, he specializes in dishes made with rice, beans, lentils, and local veggies.
He excels at baking–white or whole wheat bread, chapati and french bread. And with so many fresh vegetables, he can make any variety of salsa for enchiladas. For breakfast he prepares fruit salad of fresh bananas, pineapple, oranges, mango, and kiwi. We love his cheesy egg casseroles, toad in the hole, crepes with Nutella and breakfast burritos.
I noticed solar panels along the camp path. How much power do they provide? What other options do you have? When the panels are very clean and the sun is shining we have enough to run one light in each sleeping tent for a short time as well as power the pump that provides shower water for the RAs and camp staff. (Kay and I just use sun showers hung from a tree.)
When the sun is not cooperating, phones and torches and headlamps are mostly charged in the cars as we drive on “obs”.
We can usually centrifuge the blood samples we take when we tranquilize a hyena, and we can often, but not always, run the very tiny fridge during the sunlight hours. It has to be turned off as soon as the sun goes down. We usually can’t keep anything cold but we can slow down the spoilage rate a bit.
Dee, this is not easy work. Fisi Camp is one step up from primitive camping. You are there for several months at a time. I understand that you have a passion for the work done here and you love Kenya and the people. What are the hard parts of your job? It varies from year to year. The year that camp flooded was devastating. We lost almost everything and it took us over a month of very hard work to rebuild. Kay and I had to rewire the entire camp. Everyone worked from dawn til dark, and during the first few weeks, we had little food or water. We all got sick and I lost about 20 pounds.
When it gets very hot, there is no air conditioning, no fans, no rivers or lakes safe to jump into to cool off. You just sweat. During the long rains, you can’t get dry, your feet get all wrinkled and white and there is no way to dry your clothes and at night it gets cold.
Emotionally the year the clans lost so many dominant females after they ate poisoned carcasses was very difficult. Not only did animals we knew and loved die a very painful death but their cubs (all but one) slowly starved to death at the dens waiting for Moms who never came home.
Just getting there is a challenge. There are no direct flights from the states so it is at least two 9 hour flights, with layovers and once there you have a 6 to 8 hour drive over roads that get worse and worse as you leave Nairobi.
And the easy to love parts? The animals! Not just the ones we watch during our official “obs” but living with so many animals is such an honor. The bush baby and the gennet who come to the lab tent at night to try and snag some scraps.The amazing birds who line up in the morning to try and steal tiny bits of fruit. The dik diks who live in camp. The hyrax who screams at night right outside of my tent and even the baboons who regularly raid my tent and steal my toothpaste. Not to mention the hippos, lions, leopards, hyenas, and buffalo who use our paths to get to the river… all make life in camp exciting and rewarding and wonderful. The cobras, mambas, and siafu (army ants) keep us on our toes and encounters with them are the basis for good stories and sometimes legends.
Sitting around the campfire at night with a glass of wine and listening to the night sounds. Living and working with very bright young people, fascinating scientists, and with the kind and hardworking Masai who keep us healthy and safe and who teach us so much has been a gift beyond price. It is all good.
To learn more about spotted hyenas and the MSU Hyena project in the Masai Mara visit The Kay Holekamp Lab. Her students maintain a blog, Notes from Kenya, with stories and photos of the hyenas, camp life, and research news. Also enjoy the amazing photography on the Mara Hyena Project page on Facebook.
Photographs courtesy of MSU Masai Mara Hyena Project, Bernard Ndegwa, Judy S. Blackstock
As 2018 dawned someone asked me how I had done on the resolutions I posted two years ago. Here they are, followed by my thoughts on where I stand with them today.
keep in my heart the joy and love I felt during Christmas 2015.
to push myself when inertia engulfs me.
to use my talents.
to squeeze more laughter out.
to connect to the positive energy around me.
to remind myself that one person’s actions can make a difference.
to be ready to listen rather than speak.
to spend minimum time wondering why I can’t remember someone’s name.
to lie in the grass on a spring day.
to accept the things I cannot change.
to relish my children.
to sweat only the big stuff.
to practice those exercises so I can remember people’s names.
to build on honoring myself as I honor others.
to ignore urges to overeat, overdrink, under exercise.
to keep a carrot-games, travel, books-in clear sight at all times.
After the name remembering exercises move on to “where did I put my…”
I probably feel best about moving towards positive energy and paying less attention to negative thoughts and people. I am happier with myself and more accepting of my lifestyle although I still have those times of doubting that drive me crazy.
The ones I have no difficulty with have to do with enjoyment. I have no problem enjoying anything that comes my way, as ridiculous or simple as it may be. And if it is something I can tell on myself, all the better.
I did scare myself when I almost didn’t publish my last post…”NOT Another Phone Story!!!” Because I see the incident described, not as just misplacing glasses, but not recognizing my glasses. That’s why I thought others would hmmmmm and tilt their heads after reading it. Even with my friend’s scoffing at this, I hesitated to record it.
I still think it is deeper than losing glasses on top of my head BUT no matter. I’ll just add a new one:
It’s a Happy New Year so, on to new adventures! I just spent several very enjoyable days at my friend Karen’s home with Deborah, Gin, Ellen and Janice. It is an annual tradition of fun with Tennessee and North Carolina friends.
We stayed in for New Year’s Eve and, not only were we awake to watch the ball descend, but took in the Netflix movie The Dress Maker afterward. Quirky good movie. It was 2 am when we stumbled off to our beds, cots, sofas.
By mid-morning Monday we were stirring around, with cups of coffee and tea. In fact I had just gone to the pot for my first cup. I found a pair of eyeglasses and not having mine on, picked them up, wondering whose they were, tried them out. Seem to be a darn good pair of reading glasses and I kept them on as I started to search for my own.
You know how it is when you misplace your glasses. You go over all the logical places you could have laid them down. Then you go for the unlikely, but possible spots. 15 minutes later my friends joined in the search. Many scenarios concerning the location were discussed without a solution. Finally I said, “Don’t worry about it. They’ll show up.
We went on through the day, crafting, eating, binge watching tv, and playing Catan. Several times everyone had asked if the glasses I had on were mine. “No,” I said. “Mine are clear, look like there isn’t a frame at all.
In the evening, Karen questioned that the ones I was still wearing were really subscription glasses, not just cheap reading ones. I took the glasses off, looked them over good, put them back on, saying, “Yes, I guess they are mine.”
I feel like a character in Oliver Sachs book, “The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat.”
It was my conviction for the day that the glasses I have worn for three years were the glasses I wore before then. I debated whether or not to record this event. We laughed ourselves silly over the absurdity of my wrong conviction, how everyone had theorized as to the location of my glasses and the conclusion of the event.
When I voiced concerns that people might think I was really slipping, Gin said, “Oh no. I just see it as classic Judy.”
The following is an essay written by Stelmo Stepp, 16-year-old sophomore at Upperman High School, Baxter, Tennessee. She won a county-wide high school contest with her thoughts.
Her mom’s note: This is Stelmo’s essay on diversity. They were told not to write about race or disability, rather another form of diversity they see in their school. Also, that it didn’t need to be a true story, so I don’t know how much of this rings true for herself…
I walk into the cafeteria on the very first day of school and look around. Where am I going to sit? I glance around frantically looking for a familiar face. I see a bunch of jerseys, some cheer bows, some with purple hair, the nerds, the troublemakers, and then some band lettermen. Who do you choose to walk towards?
In my school, not many of these people mix with each other. We, for the most part, stay separated from one another. It’s like when people are afraid to mix their foods together or for their foods to touch each other because it could make some disgusting concoction. Have you ever had cake and ice cream together, or peas and mashed potatoes? Together these foods make amazing mixtures that are even better than the foods by themselves.
It’s time to make my decision. Who am I going to sit with? Being a cheerleader I would gravitate towards the bows, but it’s time to mix it up so let’s go towards the nerds. I sit down and interrupt their conversation about chemistry and calculus. For a second they glance up at me then turn back to each other and continue their conversation. I listen intently trying to figure out what they’re talking about. When someone finally says something that I understand, I join in on the conversation. In return, I get a bunch of confused looks from the people sitting at the table. They have a “how can a cheerleader know this?” look on their faces. We continue our conversation until lunch is over and now I have friends that just 35 minutes ago were strangers.
In middle and elementary school, they used to give us the “don’t leave anyone out” talk. I used to never understand this speech because growing up in my household everyone was completely different, but in some ways, we were all alike. For the most part, we’d all hang out together and never leave anyone out. I didn’t get why they gave us this speech till I got to my 8th-grade year and starting high school. I started looking around realizing that we were slowly separating into groups or “cliques.”
For a long time this didn’t make any sense to me. As I get older the cliques somewhat fade, but they are definitely still there. There are still groups of people who refuse to sit with each other or even associate with each other. My 8th grade and freshman year the football and soccer players were never really friends until one of the football players joined the soccer team. From this the two realized the others weren’t that bad.
Two weeks ago, I got my letterman for cheer. I got in the car and my mom was in the passenger seat and I handed her the jacket. Now before I finish this story I’m going to give you some background information on my mom. My mom grew up as a clogger with her friends, her mom, and her mom’s friends. She was also a Girl Scout and has always been the smart weird kid (weird in a good way of course). My mom has had purple, pink, or/and blue hair for as long as I can remember and the majority of my friends tell me she is the “cool mom.”
Anyways, back to my story. I get into the car and she takes the jacket and starts laughing to herself. She is beyond stunned by what I have just given her. I ask her what she was laughing at and she goes, “Never would I think I would have a daughter who has a letterman.” I asked her what she meant and she concluded with telling me she was the furthest thing from a letterman jacket when she was in high school. That was her. Then my dad was in the band.
If my parents were in high school with me right now, no lie, I would probably not be friends with them or have very many conversations with them. Which is very strange because my mom is my best friend. In the society we are in we are taught that these people hang out with these people and only them. There is an invisible barrier that divides our student population into multiple cliques. Our teachers, administrators, and some parents try to break up these groups. Give students a chance to get to know one another, but a majority of the time it fails.
Not many people like change and don’t want things to change, including myself. Until the past month I stayed with my group and didn’t really venture out very often, but the second I did I was making many friends. I met some amazing people who I’m slowly growing closer to. I’m finding that mixing my cake with ice cream is turning into an amazing blend of flavors and friends.